counter culture

It's inevitable in any family that the household chores will fall disproportionately onto one person. In my family that person is me. The other members of my house would argue that they do their fair share of cleaning, cooking, cleaning, laundry, cleaning...but they are lying and that is not the issue that I am going to talk about on this forum (we are waiting for an opening on Dr. Phil or Judge Judy to solve the labor relations disputes). Last Tuesday I came home from work (I ran home-literally-in my running clothes, in the dark, in the cold) to find the kitchen sink full of dirty dishes.
The nearly empty dishwasher in our house is approximately 5 1/4 inches southwest of the sink and it takes exactly the same amount of time to put something into the sink as it does to put it into the dishwasher. So what did I do when I come home to bowls with bits of dried oatmeal stuck to the rim? First I cursed really loudly, but since no-one was home that was a waste of time. Then I went into the movie in my head version of my life-where I am played by Demi Moore (although Marcia Gay Harding is a more accurate representation of the real me) and I visualize myself smashing all of the dishes, throwing them against the floor and laughing maniacally while they shatter...But in the real life version of my real life where I am played by myself plus 20 pounds, I don't smash the plates, I don't storm out of the house, I don't even cry anymore over the injustice..Instead, I take out a pad of paper and leave a series of notes attached to the wall above the sink. I call this the Thomas Paine approach and it is highly ineffective.
"Do not push your dish into the sink" "All dishes should go into the dishwasher" "If the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, you need to empty it and then put your dish into the dishwasher" and so on and so on...there is a bit of remorse when the other family members come home and for a couple of days there are no dishes in the sink.. But eventually everyone finds a loophole "I started the dishwasher and then I drank some milk so I put my cup into the sink to wait for the dishwasher to finish" and by Saturday the sink looks like a refugee camp for housewares again.
So I put on my social scientist's glasses and try to "see" the bigger picture going on in the kitchen. There are the abstract concepts about domesticity, and there are the politicized concepts about feminisim but there is also the very real "we just have too much crap for it all to be put away at the same time" concept and that one is somewhat solveable. A quick survey of the counter top reveals a greasy electric sandwich maker, coffee machine, compost bucket, juice squeezer, toaster, dishdrain board, food processor, Kitchen Aide mixer, crock pot, jars for recycling, butter dish, bread basket, stainless steel cylinder full of utensils, half bottle of red wine, three metal baskets containing a sweet potatoe with black mold, two delicatata squash, three cloves of garlic and four really squishy tomatoes.
First, I washed the sandwich maker's trays and put it away in the cabinet. I took the recycling down to the basement. I threw the old produce into the compost bucket. I pushed the food processor into a corner and drank the rest of the red wine. I started feeling better instantly. Part of the reason why things stay out on the counter is that there is no room in the cupboards. The reason why there is no room in the cupboards is because they are filled with 15 years worth of accumulated things that we thought we needed when we bought them. I think one solution is to set up a sharing list. Like if you want to make 9 loaves of italian bread and you need the wire racks for them to lie on while they "proof" then you can borrow them from us. If you need a pot for chocolate melting or a wheat grinder (I am so not making this up) then you can borrow them too.
The good news is that we are down to one crock pot. I had an old one from my mom, then I got a newer one from my mom and then I asked for a really new one for Christmas last year. The oldest one is at school used for applesauce a few times a year, the middle one went home with a friend to be donated to her children's school and the newest one stands proudly in the middle of the counter!

the big daddy skillet

I have decided to look at this project by combining my archeology skills (which are none) with my anthropology skills (which I acquired from taking anthroplogy 101 at SUNY Albany from one of those long haired pony tail white guys that gave himself a Native American name in 1978 and doesn't know that if he is already bald on top then it is time to cut off the pony tail) and do an item by item analysis of the clutter in my house. I am going to start at the top layer and dig down. I am going to factor in the historical and social significance of the clutter. I began by going down into the basement and looking at some of the things that we almost never use to see which ones I could part with. There is the Ablounger which my husband bought to help us get flatter abs. This is the ultimate lazy persons way of tightening your abs..You sit in this chair and roll up and down by pulling on the bar on the top and pushing down with your legs. You can even do it while you watch tv. Somehow even with such a simple exercise tool at my disposal, I still have not managed to get on the Ablounger other than to sit on it while I wait for the dryer to finish its cycle. I've thought about getting rid of it but I think it may provide for an interesting sexual experience at some point. Then as I scanned all of the other items that were collecting dust and mold down there, I banged my shin against something hard. After a quick curse word I reached down to grab whatever it was that I had bumped into. This object is perhaps the biggest single use item that we own. It was a frying pan..no, not just a frying pan-it was the big daddy skillet...it's about 3 feet in diameter-and that is not a lie! We got it about 10 years ago when we were heading out for a camping trip. We drove past an old time variety store somewhere in the Adirondacks and stopped to get eggs, milk, coffee and other last minute essentials. Then my husband spied the big daddy skillet resting on a hook on the wall. I shot off my "we don't need that look" He shot back a "yeah but it looks like fun look." The boys all clamored at me "mom-please we need it." I said no about a hundred more times until we finally loaded it into the mini-van and used it for the next few days to cook dozens of eggs and pancakes over an open fire. After we came home, we unpacked and put it in the basement. Husband claims that we have cooked with it since that trip but I disagree. As far as I can remember it hasn't been used as anything except a shin banger. I want to get rid of it but he refuses.Says he still needs it. I guess I can use it the next time that my girlfriends and I decide to go late night skinny dipping down in the pond. After we giggle and splash in the dark water we will run back to the house but forget to lock the front door. Then that guy with the hockey mask carrying a chain saw will come busting into the house and BAM we will smash him on the head with the big daddy skillet. Or maybe one day my whole family will start playing thier musical instruments again, and I will learn to sing and we will all wear velvet pant suits and drive around in a painted school bus and pull off to the side of the road and cook up an omelet to feed our groupies. I have been getting rid of small items like candles and baskets but it is time to move onto the larger stuff. It looks like the big daddy skillet will stay but I am definitely getting rid of something large soon-anyone want a 6'5", 45 year old man that can make a pancake the size of rhode island?

C(consumer) V(variety)S(store)

don't get me wrong-Haiti and world relief are still my top concern but to my one and only dedicated follower I feel like I have an obligation to blog on. Please send a donation to the Red Cross or some other organization that you think is honest and reputable.
Now let's play a word association game ok? Peanut. (peanut butter, peanut allergy, peanut brittle, circus peanuts, clowns, clown shoes). Shoes. (shoe shine, shoe horn, shoe store, odor eater, orthotics,arch suppports) Supportive parents. (dance recitals, pinewood derbies, trips to the zoo, trips to the museum, hiking trips, camping trips, science fairs) Camera. ( camera bag, batteries, memory card, photoshop, photo album, one hour photo, CVS) CVS. (prescription medications, blood pressure cuffs, insuline monitors, band aids, hearing aids, sewing kits, dog food, cat food, brillo pads, fake crocs, birthday cards, hair dye, condoms, gummy worms, dry erase markers, toilet paper, drug testing kits, KY jelly, pepperoni combos, People magazine, hemmoroid creme, vitamin D, vitamin, B, vitamin C, vitamin E, vitamin Z?, popcorn,lunch boxes, tupperware, picture frames, eye liner, lip gloss, blush, pacifiers, formula, candied yams, and yoga pants)
Yes, it's true-you can buy yoga pants at CVS..they are in the front of the store two aisles down from the Pringles display. I can imagine a situation where I would be stopping off at CVS to get my probiotic yogurt drink (in the refrigerator next to the YooHoo) and my organic energy bar (top shelf, same aisle as the vitamins) and then suddenly I would realize that I can't go to my pilates,yoga,ninja,karate,kick boxing class because I had forgotten my gym bag at home-but wait!! This is not a problem anymore. My local drug store can meet all of my needs. I can take care of my lip sores and get athletic clothing. This is almost as miraculous as being able to buy wicker furniture at the Price Chopper. How great is our country when we can go to grocery store and have a list that says: chicken stock, laundry detergent, green peppers and chairs for the front porch? Now I that I am on my arrogant self deprivation program I feel like an alcoholic that has to sit through the Super Bowl ads. I just need to get my medicines refilled and maybe some tic-tacs because curried chicken for lunch isn't still curried chicken on your breath at 4pm-but here I am standing in line at CVS, waiting for the guy in front of me to figure out if he can afford a pack of Newport Lights and he's counting out his Canadian coins...and I am soooo tempted to buy the yoga pants. I'm going away for the weekend with my best friends, we will be running, we will be drinking, we will be eating and talking and laughing and farting and we might even do some yoga-it would make sense to buy the yoga pants..but I didn't. I left them there. I got my medicine and the tic tacs and I left without even a People magazine. It was easy to do because I already had 3 pair of yoga pants in my weekend getaway bag. I own 3 pair of yoga pants because I live in elastic waist pants now that I have gained 15 pounds... but I didn't set out this year to lose weight, I only set out to have less clutter in my life on December 31st 2010 and so far I am doing great!!

Haiti

sorry for the gap-just can't seem to care about my own petty issues of too much clutter-hate to sound self righteous but it just seems frivolous right now-we gotta help the people of Haiti-I know it is reactionary just like the Tsunami, Hurricane Katrina..but fun is fun until something like this happens to wake me up again-

the holy family in a bag

I just finished a weeklong cold war about who was going to take down the Christmas tree (I wanted to take it down last weekend before I went back to work but husband wanted it up another week to "enjoy" it) It had become a fire hazard and was so dry that if you sneezed in the living room it dropped hundreds of needles on the floor and made us jump in the air. Of course I gave in and took it down, just like I give in and go to the grocery store when we have no food or like when i give in pick up a cat at the adoption center when no one else will and clearly we need a cat. So today the tree came down, and this year I was patient enough to take the lights off before it went to the curb. I threw out the pipe cleaner candy canes that I made the year of our fire. They were hard to make (you have to twist white pipe cleaners around red pipe cleaners and then bend the top into a hook) but I let them go. I threw out a broken reindeer marionette ornament that had only 3 legs left so that when you pulled the little string, his bottom legs moved up and down and his one top leg moved up and down but it looked like a Hitler salute and totally creeped me out. I threw out a gold and glittery santa sleigh that had fake presents hot glued into it. But when the time came to put the red and green box into the closet I was stuck again with a lack of space. Too many books, too many shoes that I don't wear, and a ridiculous inventory of holiday items...a turkey basket, five heart shaped valentine boxes, candles in every olfactory flavor (cinnamon apple spice, pine tree, key lime pie, and mashed potatoes with gravy). I still had to put the nativity set away and wanted to make sure that I had a careful place for it. The manger has been in my husband's family since he was a boy so it has sentimental value to us. Most of the clay figurines have been broken and re-glued and some have even been replaced. I could fit the cows, the sheep, the goats and the shepards into the newspaper stuffed shoe box but, Jesus, Mary and Joseph will have to spend the next 365 days in a brown paper bag wedged between the easter grass and a tibetan prayer wheel that I got from a student. The most important symbol for this season and they look like yesterday's lunch! This just reinforces my need to get rid of crap! I resisted buying a box of three glass pitchers today at the food co-op because I don't need three glass pitchers. I wanted one glass pitcher to replace the plastic toxic "have a glass of cancer causing BPA" pitcher that I already have. Buying clutter at the food co-op doesn't seem like buying clutter. It seems like buying hope or promise. It seems like buying a future for those children who live in the rain forest and make bamboo cutting boards-thier lives are so much better than the Chinese children who sew soccer balls. They are smiling on the package. There is a description of how the money that I spend to buy the bamboo cutting board or the Alpaca wool water bottle cover will help these children in thier rain forest towns. I am almost guilty of genocide if I don't buy these items! Man this is not morally easy..I should have tried to quit drinking or joined weight watchers-the rules are simpler there.

ceramic platters with chalkboard centers

arrived home late from work today-easy to resist doing any retail shopping therapy since i have report cards to write and am too tired to go out anyway. Drop my lunch bag on the table, put my coffee cup in the dishwasher and pick up the stack of mail. Cable bill, grocery store coupons, late christmas card from someone who felt like they had to send me a card because I sent them a card...I was ready to toss the whole pile into the recycling bin when a slick and shiny photo caught my eye. Oh you evil seductress! You, with your full color, glossy pages and your centerfold.. You are the ultimate in knick knack pornography! Yeah that's right-It's the 2010 Pottery Barn catalogue. It stirs up in me all of the same feelings I'll bet my husband has when he looks at the Sports Illustrated swim suit edition. The desire to have something in your life so sleek and so sculpted. The knowledge that all you will ever do is look at something that perfect-you won't touch it, you won't have it, all you can do is turn the pages with one hand and comfort yourself with the other (by holding a glass of wine of course!) You know those musical cards you can buy now? the ones where you open the card and a song starts playing in those shrill little notes? Well this catalogue should come with "I want you to want me." And the justification for flipping through it is just as easy as the justification for all types of porn. "I'm just looking-it can't hurt" and I know that one is a lie because I can tell you that my old floral couch with the sagging cushions and the pillows that just don't sit up as high as they used to..feels inadequate compared to the upholstered vixen on page 36 with her "faux suede" skin. "Oh come on, just because I look doesn't mean I want that-I love you exactly the way you are" try telling that to the pressboard vanity in the upstairs bathroom, after folding down the corner of page 66 so you can sneak a peek at the classic farmhouse double sink console. Even the catologue description reads like a Penthouse letter: "A hint of honey colored wood shows through the edge-rubbed white finish.." I may have to take a cold shower. I just wish I had the twice spun earth friendly 100% hypoallergenic machine washable pure cotton towel set-that would feel real good-

a small rubber penguin

Had a really great visit from a dear friend and her family. I shared my new years goal with her and she was intrigued. She is really smart and already far more environmentally sound than I am so we discussed things like "zero-net" gains for buying things that we need, and the ridiculous nature of most single use items-like that egg separator that I already talked about. Turns out it doesn't even work that well so it went into the trash along with a bowl that had a chipped rim, multiple bags of spices that were no longer identifiable by thier smell or texture and a pair of running shoes that even a homeless nomad in the northern tundra would not wear because the sole was so flat. Temptations are everywhere though. I already wish that I had a new flat screen tv for my bedroom because I have this big old clunker that takes up the entire top of the dresser. (yeah I know that there are kids in darfur who only watch tv by drawing pictures of tv characters in the dirt and that I should be grateful that I even have any tv at all) I also feel this impulse to get some speakers for my kitchen because I can hardly hear the radio in there when i am cooking because the sizzling of my organic onions in my all clad pan make too much noise-anybody feeling sorry for me yet? so clearly my mission isn't about need it's about the modern dilema of confusing need with want and desire. So if I think about the zero net gain concept (any new thing that comes into the house must replace something that goes out of the house) that only accounts for one part of my process-it will stop the clutter from increasing but won't address the idea that I really don't need most of the stuff that I have. Let me do a zero net gain analysis here for today-what left the house: the aforementioned items that were trashed, plus a nearly dead house plant that I had given up on and was planning to put on the curb tomorrow night where it clearly would have frozen off its final leaf and caused me guilt all night-but my friend took it because surely someone in her garden club would rescue it, nurture it back to full greenery, and later recieve compliments about it and if i ever see it again i will be jealous. The plant left in a wicker basket, and some plastic tupperware containers left filled with food that we made together...a star wars comic book is also gone-into the hands of a new fan. I feel pretty good after this weekend's visit (obviously it is because of the love of good friends but you knew that already. Then when i came upstairs to type, I found a small rubber penguin sitting on my desk-he looked purposely place there right next to a photo of dear friend's children.but maybe he's a message? what are you trying to say boy? should i go out and get a flat screen tv so i can watch the animal planet and learn how to save your habitat? what if i find another small rubber penguin standing on the table, on top of the Best Buy circular, pointing to the flat screen tvs? how could i ignore that?

the first step is the easiest

The underwear exception: I was explaining to some friends about my plan to go a full year without buying any retail items except for groceriers and got many supportive (I know that sarcasm is meant as support) comments and words of encouragement but of course there always has to be one nay sayer, one negative nancy, one debbie downer who has to point out a flaw in my 2010 endtheclutter campaign.."what will you do for underwear?" now many men could go a full year without new underwear (I have unfortunately witnessed this first hand-no names here) but women cannot. It is a biological law of nature, like our ability to smell the milk and see if it has gone bad. So of course that got me thinking that there may be some items that I will have to go to Target for but I want the full experience of not stepping foot in those places for a year so now I am looking into ordering underwear on line-which you know you can do because you can order frozen bison burgers on line so I should be able to get underwear. They sell socks at the grocery store but I don't think they sell underwear, I would also feel wierd buying underwear at the grocery store because I certainly would be the first person to judge someone that needed underwear so desperately that they had to buy it at the grocery store. My husband says it should be ok to buy things that will replace something that is lost, broken or when the elastic band on your underwear is so stretched out that only your jeans are holding them up. But when I make a commitment (I usually break it) I make a commitment! So I need to spend some time today figuring out what to do about the undewear exception-I should have thought ahead and stock piled enough of it to get me through the year but that seems a little too survivalist, like hoarding prescription medicines or bottled water. Hope you all had a fun new years eve-I did! we danced, we drank, we ate..I even got asked to dance by another man! but I started off my new year well and didn't add to the clutter because I left behind the plastic Hawaiin leis and other party favors even though I am sure I could have found a use for them one day.